


Deviation From The Norm

by verity



Category: Star of the Guardians - Weis
Genre: Bondage, F/M, Humor, Parody, hot pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-20
Updated: 2002-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maigrey, Sagan, certain accessories, and lots of humor - what more could you ask for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deviation From The Norm

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: This is most definitely a parody of Margaret Weis's excellent Star Of The Guardians series. Please note the word "parody." Please note this approximately twenty-seven more times before reading. That is all.]

In the interior of a spaceplane – a Scimitar, to be precise – in the middle of outer space.

Maigrey: Derek, you've been unusually stressed lately.

Sagan: What? The Golden Squad only single-handedly destroyed thirty planets this weekend!

Maigrey: Thirty-three, actually. *hands Sagan a box*

Sagan: *opens box* Manacles?

Maigrey: How do you feel about role-playing?

Sagan: I don't remember that Final Fantasy MCMXII had manacles.

Maigrey: *sigh* MEN. *to Sagan* Excuse me while I find my leather hot pants.

*EXIT MAIGREY*

Sagan: Sparafucile, please come out from under the couch.

Sparafucile: *grudgingly* Yes, master. What is it that you want?

Sagan: Out.

Sparafucile: *eyes wide* Master, must I kill the Lady? *lasciviously* She is a beautiful specimen in hot pants.

Sagan: Not out of this, you cretin. I want YOU out of this spaceplane.

Sparafucile: *whimpers* Master... you know how I love voyeurism...

Sagan: Must I get Snaga Ohme to build a space-rotation bomb that will take him seventeen years to perfect and will double as a handy paperweight?

Sparafucile: *glumly* Very well… *glitter sparkling and strange shimmery noise*

[Radiant Personage: *pops into scene* This is NOT Star Trek!

Author: All right! You don't have to get all riled up about it!]

*EXIT SPARAFUCILE*

Sagan: What the hell are hot pants, anyway?

*ENTER MAIGREY*

Sagan: Never mind.

Maigrey: The pointy-toed boots and the whip came for free with the leather halter top! 75% off, too! *cracks whip*

Sagan: Do you have any idea how you're going to use that thing?

Maigrey: To punish you for your years of stoicism, your lack of any social life whatsoever, and to save the galaxy from revolution.

Sagan: Have you been bar-hopping with Dixter again?

Maigrey: Oh, and to prove that you're secretly harboring a fascination with BDSM...

*some time later*

Sagan: *whimper* I have seen the error of my ways. I will now be emotionally healthy, submissive, and extremely gorgeous in an intellectual way!

Maigrey: *rubs hands together* You may start with licking my feet, and work your way up. *croons* Why couldn't he have been like this when we first met? *to Sagan* Can you do that and have an intelligent discussion at the same time?

*some time later*

Maigrey: Never mind.

*some time very much later*

Maigrey: Derek, do you still want to betray your king and country?

Sagan: Not particularly - though as I've been handcuffed to the bed, it's not as though I've any choice in the matter.

Maigrey: Marvelous. We really ought to do this again sometime.

Sagan: Now?

Maigrey: Spot on!


End file.
